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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540359">A Funeral: $6,500 One-Time Payment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azure_Lynx/pseuds/Azure_Lynx'>Azure_Lynx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spare Bedroom 'Verse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, But also family coming together, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Alcoholism as unhealthy coping, Multi, Okay so the whole story is about coping with Paige's death, The romance is there but secondary to the friendship, vague descriptions of death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:27:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540359</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azure_Lynx/pseuds/Azure_Lynx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><em>You never really realize how much you appreciate not having dead friends until all of a sudden you do have a dead friend.</em><br/>Poe, Rey, and Finn help Rose cope with the sudden death of her sister (and cope with it themselves). Healing takes time, but it's easier with family.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso/Bodhi Rook, Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Jannah/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron &amp; Finn &amp; Rey &amp; Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey, Poe Dameron/Rey, Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spare Bedroom 'Verse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Funeral: $6,500 One-Time Payment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Miranda, the Rey to my Paige.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You never really realize how much you appreciate not having dead friends until all of a sudden you do have a dead friend.</p>
<p>Poe got the news immediately upon waking up, a few texts sent at 1 and 3am. First from Paige Tico, then two panicked ones from her sister Rose. Except the one from Paige was also from Rose, just on Paige’s phone. The one that really got him, though, was the one from Rose that woke him up. </p>
<p>Sent at 6:17am,  just the words “She’s gone.”</p>
<p>He called her as soon as he got them, and he must’ve apologized about five hundred times before she cut him off, saying it was fine, she didn’t expect him to do anything, she just needed to tell him, keep him posted, because she knew Paige would want him to know. He said he’d come pick her up from the hospital; she said he didn’t have to.</p>
<p>He said he would anyway, in a way that he knew brooked no argument. </p>
<p>Poe didn’t even bother to change out of his sweatpants as he jammed his feet into sneakers and headed to the train. It was half an hour north to the nearest hospital; Rose was outside the city, in the next suburb, and he knew she wasn’t familiar with the area. </p>
<p>God, the girl must be freaked out. Every minute on the train was too long, and he tapped his foot impatiently, ignoring the near-empty train car and the feeling of loneliness. At this hour, pretty much everyone was going the opposite way, south into the city, but there was a woman in scrubs at the other end of the car that was probably heading to the same place he was. But for a better reason; at least he hoped so, for her sake.</p>
<p>The minute he was through the hospital door, a small comet crashed into him, knocking the air out of his chest. He held her immediately, without hesitation. </p>
<p>She was small, a good seven inches shorter than him, and her face was buried in his shoulder, soaking his t-shirt as he stroked her back. He didn’t mind. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she choked out. </p>
<p>He shushed her. “It’s okay, I’m glad you called. Is there anything more you need to do here?” She shook her head into his shoulder. “Okay. Let’s go.”</p>
<p>Rather than subject her to crying on public transit, Poe called a cab for the two of them. It would rework his monthly budget, but it was worth it. </p>
<p>She stared out the window for the whole short ride, and Poe paid the driver and gently dragged her out of the car and to his front door. “C’mon,” he coaxed, putting his key in the lock. </p>
<p>Rey and Finn were asleep, still, but they’d stayed in Rey’s room without him last night. He’d left his door open on the way out, letting Beebee roam, and the dog came up to sniff at Rose’s calves. </p>
<p>She gave a watery laugh. “Hey there.” She scratched behind Beebee’s ears, and then the dog trotted beside them over to Poe’s room, where he shut the door and helped her onto his bed.</p>
<p>Rose put her head in his lap and she cried.</p>
<p>He got the story out of her eventually, haltingly and with many sobs. Rose stayed nestled between Poe and Beebee, leaning against him heavily. </p>
<p>Paige had gone out for milk, even though it was late, just to the bodega on the corner, because their milk was sour and Rose had wanted hot chocolate. It was just your average depressive episode, Rose lamented, nothing that warranted any special care, but Paige always took care of her. </p>
<p>That’s what Big Sisters did.</p>
<p>And she hadn’t come home. After a while, Rose had gotten suspicious, had pulled on a coat over her pajamas and gone to find Paige bleeding and concussed on the side of the road. A hit and run. Paige couldn’t even talk.</p>
<p>They’d gotten to the hospital and Rose had hoped, hoped so hard, but there was nothing. </p>
<p>Paige was gone.</p>
<p>“We were going to sign a new lease <em>next month</em>,” she managed in a thin voice, watery and crackling like spring frost. “She was one semester away from getting her Masters. I just - I’m gonna walk at graduation in <em>three weeks</em>.”</p>
<p>Poe didn’t know what to say, so he just held her tighter, pulling her all the way into his lap. Her face went back into the crook of his neck and he found his nose in her hair. Her shampoo smelled like some kind of tea, and Poe knew from late-night study sessions that it was the same one Paige used. </p>
<p>He’d had Paige’s head in his lap last week, building up her confidence to ask Jess Pava out for drinks. How quickly things could change. </p>
<p>“She’s all I had,” Rose choked, which wasn’t quite true because Poe fully intended to take care of her, but he knew what she meant. </p>
<p>Paige was the last Tico besides Rose; it’d been just the two of them since Rose was fourteen. After their parents died, Paige fought hard for and eventually won custody of Rose. He hadn’t known them, then, but Paige’s eyes always took on a uncharacteristically hard glint when she remembered the court dates and she’d talk about it, but always with residual frustration.</p>
<p><em>“She’s all I have,”</em> Paige would tell him. <em>“And they tried to take her from me.”</em></p>
<p>There was a soft knock on the door. </p>
<p>“Come in,” Poe called, muffled by Rose’s hair. </p>
<p>Rey pushed her way in, face falling when she saw Rose in his lap. “Shit.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“I had a bad feeling.”</p>
<p>Rose pulled her face up. “Hey, Rey,” she greeted weakly. </p>
<p>Poe had met Rose before Paige, actually, through Rey. The girls had been in all the same engineering classes since Rey was a freshman; then, by coincidence or fate, Paige was in his master’s program and just so happened to be the older sister of Rey’s adorable friend. </p>
<p>Poe had been closer to Paige, by nature of his work, but Rose was Rey’s best friend. And Rey was going to take care of her as best she could, settling in on the other side and petting circles on Rose’s back. Beebee gave an indignant snort but made room.</p>
<p>Neither of them told Rey what happened; they didn’t need to. She just...knew. Same way she always did. </p>
<p>Finally, Rose looked up at them through wet lashes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she confessed. </p>
<p>“We’ll figure it out together,” Rey promised, and Poe nodded in agreement. “You’re family.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Rose stayed in Poe’s room and slept for the next day and a half. As far as Rey knew, the girl didn’t even get up to eat. Poe was sleeping in the room with Finn after explaining the situation, not minding giving up his space. Finn was perfect, as usual, asking if there was anything he could do. </p>
<p>Leia knew, too. Rey knew Leia planned to keep shiva for Paige, after the funeral, even though Rose and Paige weren’t Jewish, and she knew Leia would invite Rose to join. Ever since Rey and Rose sat together on the first day of freshman year, they’d belonged. Leia considered Paige her child just as much as any of the rest of them.</p>
<p>Finn had a friend who worked at a funeral home. Well, he stressed, “friend” was kind of a strong word - they’d gone to the same boarding school. But she was kind, and she could help them, so he was in the process of reaching out for that. </p>
<p>Rey reached into her pocket and fidgeted with some spare parts. She didn’t even have to look at them to start threading the nut on the screw, then pulling it back off. This was easy. </p>
<p>Her favorite kind of problems were mechanical. She never liked people-problems, especially the kind she couldn’t solve, but here she was, staring down a massive one. Spare parts were easy. </p>
<p>The absence of Paige Tico was not. </p>
<p>Rose stumbled into the kitchen wearing one of Poe’s t-shirts like a dress. She looked a mess, but then, that was about to be expected. </p>
<p>“Let me make you some tea,” Rey offered.</p>
<p>Rose shook her head. “Coffee, please. Turkish, if you can.”</p>
<p>Rey raised one eyebrow, but then, Rose had always been like this. She’d started college at seventeen and made it through a full course load freshman year with the help of Rey and that damn unsweetened Turkish coffee. Now was definitely the time for it, if ever there was one.</p>
<p>“Coming right up.” Rey had a store of finely ground beans just for Rose. She didn’t have the little metal thing you were supposed to boil it in, but she had measuring cups, and that’d do.</p>
<p>Rose sat down heavily at the table. “Thanks.” She sounded like a dead girl walking, not that Rey could blame her. </p>
<p>It hadn’t hit Rey yet. She knew it hadn’t. She hadn’t cried and she was still entirely functional, and she thought maybe she was keeping it at bay on purpose, to be more useful. Poe was in full mourning, too. Someone needed to get shit done. </p>
<p>She was always the one to get shit done in a crisis. When Luke had gotten sick when she was sixteen, she’d been the one calling around, making the appointments, driving Luke where he needed to go. Wedge had hated it, hated her being an adult so young, but they’d needed all his income and she was the one to get all the other things done until Leia could make it to stay with them. She’d missed two and a half weeks of school and making it up was hell, but she buckled down and got through it.</p>
<p>She’d only cried after Leia told her he went into remission.</p>
<p>And then, when Han had died, she did the same thing all over again.</p>
<p>“When was the last time you ate?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Rose only grunted in response.  </p>
<p>“I’m going to make you some toast, alright?” Rey offered, trying to be gentle. Gentleness was not her strong suit; that was Finn, and to a lesser extent, Poe. But she could do it for Rose. “Toast with cinnamon sugar, how about that?”</p>
<p>And then Rose was crying again, and Rey cursed herself, remembering Saturday morning breakfasts the four of them, sprinkling cinnamon sugar on toast and Paige always making sure to get butter on Rose’s cheek. </p>
<p>“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t think - I can - I can make something else,” she stammered, trying to think of an easy alternative. </p>
<p>“No, it’s - it’s fine,” Rose hiccuped. “That s-sounds - r-r-really - really nice. Thanks.” She shoved the heels of her palms into her eyes. “It’s fine.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t fine, and they both knew that, but Rey made her toast and coffee and sat with her at the table while she ate in silence. </p>
<p>Finally, Rose sighed, her tears slowing and her nose entirely blocked up. “I need - she needs a funeral.” She sighed again, heavier and more defeated. “I don’t even know where to start.”</p>
<p>“Finn’s got a friend at a funeral home,” Rey consoled her. “You’re not doing this alone, we’re figuring it out together.”</p>
<p>“I don’t even know how I’m going to afford this. I can’t even - the lease we were going to sign - that’s not something I can do on my own.” Rose scrubbed her hands across her face. “God. I - this - I’m twenty-two.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“I’m twenty-two, I shouldn’t have to bury my own <em>fucking</em> sister,” she spat. “I start a job next month, we were going to get an apartment, she was teaching...This isn’t right.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t make <em>sense</em>.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“If - y’know, if she’d killed herself, or if it’d been a hate crime - at least that I could’ve wrapped my head around. That’s how - that’s how people like us die young. I always wondered, you know, with the pressure of raising me...” She sighed shakily. “But this? A car accident? I just...can’t. That’s not how people like us go.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded. “Yeah.” There wasn’t a whole lot to say. There wasn’t any way to make the whole thing make sense. </p>
<p>She didn’t know if it ever would, but somehow, she doubted it. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“Alright, Jannah, talk to me.”</p>
<p>“Whatever my boss tells you is the price, haggle,” she answered quietly, leaning across the desk. “There are two other funeral homes in a ten mile radius that do it cheaper, and unless you make it clear you know that, he <em>will</em> overcharge you.”</p>
<p>Finn had his notes app on his phone, typing down all of Jannah’s answers to his questions. He’d felt so helpless when he heard what happened, but this was something he could do. </p>
<p>His brow furrowed. “Should I just...go to one of the other ones?”</p>
<p>“No, because if you haggle, he’ll go cheaper than they will. Also” - she smiled wryly - “because I’d like to get my paycheck in full, which requires us to actually get business.” Her elbows rested on the mahogany tabletop, one hand absently toying with her curls. “The problem is, most people are so stressed about death that they’ll just accept anything. And so they end up overpaying. But if your friend’s on a tight budget, you can still make it work.”</p>
<p>Finn nodded. That was fair enough. </p>
<p>He shivered. The AC was on full blast, even though it was a lovely temperature outside, and there was only the dimmest natural lighting. Jannah had a lamp at her desk, which helped, but it was still kind of a creepy vibe. </p>
<p>“It’s a funeral home,” Jannah answered, as if reading Finn’s thoughts. “He’s all about the aesthetic. When he inherited it from his father, somehow he managed to make it even creepier.” She tapped her lip. “I assume you’ll want cremation? Those are generally cheaper, especially if you don’t already own a plot of land.”</p>
<p>Finn wasn’t sure, but he nodded because it seemed about correct. Jannah handed him a pamphlet, and he jotted more things in his notes app.</p>
<p>“An urn?” he asked, a half formed question that he wasn’t sure how to fully articulate. He knew you had to put ashes somewhere, and that somewhere was a decorative jar. But while Finn had known people who died before (that happened when you were in the system), he’d never had to plan anything about it.</p>
<p>Jannah tapped away on her laptop. “You don’t have to buy one here. You can…” She spun the screen around. “Here.”</p>
<p>Finn winced. “It’s just a fancy jar, why is it so expensive?”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s a fancy jar that holds human remains.” Jannah snorted. “Trust me, Finn, these are <em>cheap</em>. Y’know some people get gold urns?”</p>
<p>“Who would buy that?” Finn asked, flummoxed. He didn’t know how much it’d cost, but he knew he could buy a lot of groceries with that money. Probably the name brand stuff, too. </p>
<p>Jannah shrugged delicately. “Look. Order from here, just something simple. Do you know what the plan for the remains is?” Finn shook his head. “Okay, well. If you’re burying it or scattering the ashes, you’ll want something biodegradable or not hard to get rid of. Unless you want to keep it for a future funeral. If you’re keeping it, something sturdy but chic is your best choice. There’s a ton of ornate ones, but you only need something nice.”</p>
<p>Finn’s head was spinning. The notes he had in his phone seemed woefully insufficient. </p>
<p>Jannah’s eyes softened. “Look. Just…” She scribbled her number down on a business card. “Give this to your friend. I’ll help her with anything I can. Like, even the legal stuff, bank accounts, whatever.” She sighed. “I’m in the business of death. At least I can make it easy on everyone else.”</p>
<p>There was a long silence which consisted of Finn studying Jannah’s face. She seemed tired, on an existential level; but then, she always had, even back at school.</p>
<p>“How’d we get here, TZ?” he asked softly. </p>
<p>It was an old nickname, back from the time when they’d been shortening names and calling out in the night and shouting and ducking the adults. Everyone had had a couple letters; hers came from ‘Terrible Zap,’ when she’d fucked up the electricity in the dorms trying to engineer...something, God, Finn couldn’t remember now. </p>
<p>She blew out a long breath. “Well, I’m here because of unresolved trauma over the loss of my parents,” she said in a brighter tone than the situation warranted. She’d always been one to joke through the pain. “I don’t know about you, FN.”</p>
<p>His just came from his name. It wasn’t as clever, but it was still his. </p>
<p>“Let’s get coffee,” he suggested, suddenly feeling intense guilt for letting this relationship slip by. He didn’t necessarily have coffee money, right now - he wasn’t starting his full time job until September - but he’d make it work.</p>
<p>She smiled. “Yeah. That sounds good. I’m glad you’re still in the area,” she added. “A lot of folks left.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know where else I’d go,” he answered honestly. “This is home.”</p>
<p>More than any building, the city itself was home. Finn remembered memorizing the train maps and bus schedules when other kids were learning to drive. He could tell you the different feel of every neighborhood, too.</p>
<p>Jannah nodded. “I’m glad my home’s got you in it.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“I don’t want to do this.” Rose said it not petulantly, but not tired, either. Like she was asking the universe for some kind of explanation she’d never get.</p>
<p>Rey sighed. “I mean, we can’t force you to do anything, but I think it’d be nice.”</p>
<p>Rose was crying again, but at a slow dribble that didn’t interfere with her talking and she seemed more frustrated than sad. That was part of grieving, right? Rey hoped so. She hoped it meant Rose was closer to getting better. </p>
<p>“It’s too expensive, and there’s no point having a funeral because it was just me and Paige and nobody will show up.”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head. “C’mon, you have to know that’s not true.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t make sense to order a whole reception of food for the five of us.”</p>
<p>Rey’s dads wanted to come, but she didn’t want to promise anything before they got time off work. She shrugged delicately. “We don’t have to have a reception at the funeral home. We can just host people here. I’ll bake brownies and make the tiny sandwiches myself.”</p>
<p>Rose chewed at her lip. “I guess.”</p>
<p>“C’mon, you like my brownies.”</p>
<p>Rose offered a thin smile. “That’s true.”</p>
<p>“It’s a chance for people to come say goodbye.” Rey felt her throat getting tight, but she forced a swallow. Saying goodbye to Paige seemed fundamentally incorrect. “It’s not gonna be religious or extravagant; just a bunch of us in a room with an urn giving a speech or two. And if it’s about the money, Auntie Leia will cover it.”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t ask her to -” Rose protested, but Rey waved it away.</p>
<p>“If it were me, she’d be paying anyway, and there’s no difference here.” It was shockingly easier to talk about her own death so flippantly than to try to wrap her head around everything going on here, Rey found. Before she could go too deep down that mental rabbit hole, Rose was nodding.</p>
<p>“Okay. Finn gave me this brochure, and the girl’s number…” Rose sighed. “Help me make decisions, please.”</p>
<p>Rey scooted her chair closer, and that’s what she did.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <em>Paige Tico. Born September 13, 1992.</em>
</p>
<p>Poe sighed and tapped his pen against his notebook. How the hell was he supposed to do this? How the hell was he supposed to summarize the life of Paige Tico in a single paragraph for the newspaper?</p>
<p>Rose had asked him to do it, so he would, because he wanted to make her life easier. But that didn’t mean he knew where the hell to start. </p>
<p><em>Paige was a wonderful, responsible individual, full of heart.</em> But no, that was more a eulogy than an obituary.</p>
<p>Well, that’s why they invented the internet, right? He pulled out his phone and searched “Obituary Template.” </p>
<p>His results were incredibly spartan. He’d been right about the eulogy, then, that this wasn’t supposed to contain emotions or any sort of care. It was a grocery list, really, of dates and people and places. He couldn’t quite figure out what the point was. Paige deserved more than a grocery list. He groaned and put his head down on the desk.</p>
<p>Beebee, annoyed at being ignored so long, nudged up against Poe’s shin. </p>
<p>“Time for a break, huh?” Poe asked, laughing slightly. It hurt to laugh, still, but he was at the point where the sound would form, at least. Beebee probably had the right idea, anyway, getting up and going for some fresh air.</p>
<p>Beebee barked and trotted towards the door. Guess it was time for a walk. He grabbed the leash and followed her, meeting up with Finn by the front door. </p>
<p>“Wanna come with?” he offered, and Finn turned right back around to go out again, taking Poe’s free hand as he did.</p>
<p>Owning a dog in the city was a gamble, but they had a small yard, at least, where Poe could let Beebee run around. A bigger dog might not have been okay with it, but Beebee seemed content to race the length between the fences over and over.</p>
<p>But first Beebee wanted to go on a long walk down the street, over to the neighbor’s place to see if Kaytoo was out to play. Kaytoo was formerly a police dog, a German shepherd who could and would snap Beebee (or unlucky children) in half. In spite of the dog’s mean streak, his current owners had taken him in and rehabilitated him to the point where he and Beebee could play. </p>
<p>They were friends of Leia’s, and through Cassian specifically, friends of his parents, too. Poe remembered when Kaytoo was still vicious; it was a miracle how docile he’d become.</p>
<p>Bodhi was out in the yard with Kaytoo, and Beebee broke into a run as soon as the other dog was in sight, yapping excitedly. Poe had to jog to keep up, even though the leash definitely wrenched his shoulder, and this in turn made Finn jog thanks to their still-clasped hands, and they were a mess of legs until Beebee jumped right on top of Kaytoo - and promptly fell over.</p>
<p>“Hey there,” Poe greeted. “Bodhi, this is my boyfriend Finn, and Finn this is my neighbor-slash-uncle-slash-old family friend Bodhi Rook.”</p>
<p>Bodhi held out his hand for a shake, offering his usual incredibly bright smile. “Nice to meet you.” Even with his greying hair and the wrinkles forming at the corners of his eyes, it was easy to see he’d been incredibly handsome when he and Leia were young. No wonder he got two spouses out of life. “You look tired, Poe. What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Bodhi, Jyn, and Cassian were family, same as Paige and Rose, and yet the two had never actually met. Still, Poe found himself explaining the situation to Bodhi as if they had, and Bodhi offered him a sympathetic look in return.</p>
<p>“That’s a real loss,” Bodhi said once Poe finished, looking more sorrowful than Poe had expected. “Give our condolences to Rose, and let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.”</p>
<p>Poe nodded, mouth dry, and squatted down in the grass to pet Beebee. Not to be ignored, Kaytoo came over and nearly knocked him to the ground, earning a small laugh.</p>
<p>He half-listened as Finn and Bodhi began to chat.They got on great; he knew they would. What surprised him was that apparently Bodhi had gone to the same military school as Finn, only about thirty years earlier. They swapped stories back and forth - apparently there was an old man named Mr. Snoke who’d been teaching since the beginning of time, and yep, he was still there, or they added a swimming pool now for a swim team and Finn had hated swimming lessons. It was easy and familial. </p>
<p>Poe felt less overwhelmed.</p>
<p>Cassian came out with a cup of coffee and a plate of cinnamon rolls - enough for Poe and Finn, because of course he’d looked out the window first - and exchanged pleasantries with the two of them before summoning Bodhi back into the house. He gave them one last wave as they departed.</p>
<p>“You know a lot of cool people,” Finn commented, taking Beebee’s leash so Poe could eat the cinnamon bun. </p>
<p>Poe nodded vigorously. “For sure,” he said around a mouthful of pastry. </p>
<p>Finn rolled his eyes. “You’re gross.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” He swallowed. “I dunno, I just...I’m real lucky. All my life I’ve been surrounded by people who love me, good people who do good things. And - Ben never seemed to appreciate that.” He sighed heavily. “But so many people don’t have that. I mean, you, Rose and her sister -” He choked off slightly.</p>
<p>Finn reached out with the hand holding Beebee’s leash and tangled his fingers with Poe’s. “You don’t have to be guilty about having good things,” he promised. “Especially because you’re so eager to share them with all the rest of us. I have a family now. Rose has us to lean on.” He sighed. “It’s not a good time, but it’s going to be okay.”</p>
<p>Poe nodded, swallowing heavily. He ate the last of his cinnamon roll and turned the thought over in his mind. </p>
<p>When they got back to the house, he gave Finn a kiss and hurried back to his desk. </p>
<p>
  <em>Paige Tico is survived by her beloved younger sister Rose Tico, as well as found family Leia Organa, Rey Skywalker…</em>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Rose had asked Finn to go with her to the funeral parlor. Not Poe or Rey, just him, even though he’d only known her a few months compared to their years. </p>
<p>“You’re more...stable. More even,” she explained. “Poe’s falling apart, too, and Rey’s jumping at opportunities to fix things when there's no - this isn’t something that can be fixed.” She kept running her hands up and down the strap of her denim purse, searching for something to fidget with. “You’re calming.”</p>
<p>He was glad he could be calming, then. He held open the door for her.</p>
<p>She shivered. “Thanks for warning me about the sweater.” Then she stopped so abruptly, Finn ran into her back. He put his hands on her shoulders to steady them both. </p>
<p>“You didn’t tell me she was <em>gorgeous</em>,” Rose hissed, face turning red.</p>
<p>Finn would agree with the assessment. “It didn’t seem relevant?” he replied, now questioning his decision. </p>
<p>“I can’t talk to cute girls!”</p>
<p>“You <em>are</em> a cute girl!” Was Rose going to be an awkward bumbling mess this whole time? That’d make an already difficult situation worse. Finn gave her a tiny shove forward. “It’s fine, she’s chill.”</p>
<p>Rose took a few more halting steps up to the desk where Jannah sat, pen between her lips. “Um. Hi.”</p>
<p>Jannah looked up and gave Rose a smile so bright it hurt. “Hi! You must be Finn’s friend Rose.”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm, that’s me.” She swallowed thickly.</p>
<p>For approximately a month and a half in junior year, Finn had been stupidly in love with Jannah. Him and everybody else at the school. When he asked her out, she told him she was a lesbian, and honestly, it just made him try to find her a girlfriend more than anything else.</p>
<p>He glanced between Rose and Jannah. Maybe he’d finally managed, after all these years. </p>
<p>Jannah shut the notebook she was working in. “Sorry, boss likes the accounting done with pen and paper. What can I do for you?”</p>
<p>Rose sent a panicked look to Finn. He swallowed a laugh and said with as much dignity as he could muster, “Rose just wanted to go over a few of the details for the ceremony.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely!” Jannah slid out another pad. “Honestly, I keep telling the boss we should digitize, but it does make these sorts of things more dramatic.” She flipped through a couple pages. “Alright! Here’s what we’ve got for you so far.”</p>
<p>As Rose and Jannah began to chat, leaning in closer than necessary, Finn made his way over to an ornate and slightly creepy chair and sat down, taking some papers out of his own bag. He trusted Rose to get everything she needed; he, meanwhile, would catch up on some grading while still lending the moral support of his presence. </p>
<p>It was close to the end of the year, and the kids were in the middle of their creative writing unit. All of the stuff Finn got was excellent, like the girl who wrote about the time she befriended a deer, Disney Princess style. It was for the class’ assignment on personal narrative stories and she whole-heartedly expected him to believe it. </p>
<p>Some stuff was...weirder. He had one girl who was really into horror stories, ghosts and murder and all that. But he’d met her parents and they were sweet hippies, and she was just about the bubbliest little girl he’d ever met, so he chalked it up to teaching the next Stephen King.</p>
<p>He made it through a good four stories - marking both “good work” and “tell me more!” equally - before Rose’s mary janes invaded his field of view. He tilted his chin up to meet her gaze, noting her cheeks were <em>still</em> flushed and she was smiling like a dork. </p>
<p>“I’m good to go,” she said, and so he put his work back in his bag and led her back out into the warmth and the sun, sliding his arm around her shoulders. “Thanks for coming with.”</p>
<p>He bought her coffee on the way home, and an iced tea for himself, and he teased her about Jannah til she squealed, and he thought that maybe, just for a moment, everything was okay.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Rose was wearing a sleeveless black dress that she’d bought specifically for the occasion; she didn’t own anything fancy and black. Well, not until now. All her clothes were sunny and bright, like her, just...warm. It was one of a million things Rey loved about her.</p>
<p>Rey, Finn, and Poe, on the other hand, were all wearing button-downs they’d already owned, Poe in white with a black tie, and Rey and Finn in black with no ties. It was stiff, and weird, and while Rey didn’t really wear a whole lot of color, she didn’t wear much black, either. She prefered earthy tones. </p>
<p>Black was stifling. </p>
<p>Rey’s dads had showed up, after all, both moving to embrace Rose. She looked small between them, and she gave a teary-eyed smile at whatever Luke whispered in her ear. He never could stand to see anyone sad, especially not people he considered family. Wedge patted her back, and then they went to stand by the urn and mourn themselves. </p>
<p>It was just the seven of them so far, but Rey could tell it was already more than Rose had expected. </p>
<p>The room felt small. It wasn’t any religious place, just the side room of the funeral parlor, but the dim lighting and dull walls made Rey itchy. There were fake brown branchy decorations that were supposed to give the appearance of some transitional stage from life to death or whatever the fuck. Rey prefered the calla lilies she’d bought and placed with the urn. They were Paige’s favorite flower, and they were undeniably beautiful. Rey had even found the apricot colored ones Paige swore were the prettiest. </p>
<p>It’d taken her <em>a lot</em> of searching, but it was worth it. </p>
<p>A small group of Poe’s grad school friends walked in - Snap and Karé, Suralinda, Jessika Pava looking absolutely gutted - and they made an immediate bee-line to Rose, enveloping her in a group hug. </p>
<p>Rey heard snatches of conversation, “Didn’t think you’d come - Of course, we’re family - Paige was - we love you - let us know if - so sorry -” </p>
<p>Poe smiled softly at the people he called “his squadron.” Leaning over to Rey, he whispered, “I made them promise. Reminded them of the date maybe five hundred times.”</p>
<p>Maz, their absolutely ancient neighbor, shuffled in with her walker, giving Rey a smile. Her eyes were always twinkling behind her thick glasses, bright amber and full of light against her dark skin. Even at a funeral, she could make Rey feel better.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” Rey asked, gesturing to the bag on Maz’s walker. </p>
<p>“Treats,” Maz replied cryptically, then walked past her and up to the front to meet Leia and Rose. </p>
<p>Next was Kaydel Ko Connix entering awkwardly by herself, glancing around. She was in the same service organization as Rose, if Rey remembered right. Rose’s ex-girlfriend, though they were still on great terms, and she was definitely the human embodiment of discomfort. When they made eye contact, Rey waved her over and she finally went to hug Rose.</p>
<p>Another awkward individual showed up, this time a shock of red hair. Rey pursed her lips. Of course Hux would show up, he was still stupidly in love with Rose even after being rejected twice. Rey had to admit it was a kind sentiment, though, and Paige had always been nice to him even though he was an annoying brat. </p>
<p>The real surprise, though, was the lanky emo behind him.</p>
<p>Rey strode over quickly, putting one hand on his chest and shoving him out into the hall. </p>
<p>“<em>What are you doing here?</em>” she hissed.</p>
<p>Ben held up his hands in surrender. “I don’t want to cause problems,” he said, and she almost believed him. “I’m just...I wanted to say goodbye.”</p>
<p>Paige and her infinite patience, again. She’d been the only one able to put up with Ben Solo’s bullshit that wasn’t related to him; usually, she’d laugh at him and snap out a comment to put him in his place.</p>
<p>Rey guessed he must’ve actually cared for her, somehow. He hadn’t even shown up for his own fucking father’s funeral. </p>
<p>“Stay in the back,” she commanded. “Do not let Poe see you. And do not start <em>anything</em>, or I swear I will break every bone in your body and make it into the world’s worst jigsaw puzzle.”</p>
<p>He nodded once. He opened his mouth, then closed it, and Rey knew he was going to ask something he didn’t have the right to know. He knew Paige was family. He knew he’d chosen not to be.</p>
<p>Rey whirled on her heel and walked back over to the front with Rose and the boys, giving them the biggest grin she could muster.</p>
<p>More people arrived, trickling in twos and threes. Professors Mothma and Ackbar showed up, then some more people from Paige’s program. Uncle Chewie swung by, giving Rose a giant hug, and settled down next to Luke. Snap’s mother - Norra, Rey learned - had even decided to show up.</p>
<p>“A funeral is no place for empty seats,” she’d whispered to Rey conspiratorially before going to sit down next to Luke and Wedge. Figures they’d know each other, she thought.</p>
<p>A twelve-year-old boy hurried in, holding the hand of a regal older woman. Rey recognized him - he was the boy Paige had used to nanny for. Temiri, she thought his name was. He broke away from his mother and went to throw his arms around Rose’s waist, not all that much shorter than she was, and together they sobbed. His mother came and put her hands on both their shoulders, whispering something that Rey wasn’t close enough to hear. </p>
<p>Jannah led the ceremony. It had been at Rose’s request, and she’d been more than happy to comply. There were the usual funeral pleasantries, and then Leia stood up and walked slowly to the small pulpit they’d set up. She had written a eulogy; no one else had felt up to it. </p>
<p>She looked so old at that moment. Old, and tired, eyes drooping behind her glasses. It made Rey uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“I’m not ready to die yet,” Leia began in what Rey thought of as her Politician Voice. The words sent a shocked ripple through the crowd. “I want a lot more out of life than I’ve gotten yet. But I’d be lying if I pretended it’s not supposed to be Paige up here talking about me.”</p>
<p>Rey felt a lump in her throat. Goddammit, she’d held it together so well, and now Leia was going to take her apart. </p>
<p>“Paige Tico was the strongest girl I’ve ever known,” Leia continued. “She grew up too damn fast, but she did it to take care of the person she loved most in the world: her sister, Rose. Sisterhood was the most important thing to her, always, and even though she’d played a parent role, too, she was always willing to tease Rose for being too serious.”</p>
<p>Rey remembered Paige’s playful smile most of all. </p>
<p>“I wish these girls had come into my life sooner.” Leia was clearly emotional but her voice held shockingly steady. “Paige was like a daughter to me, and Rose still is. My only regret is that I couldn’t make them my family sooner, take some of the stresses off their shoulders.”</p>
<p>Rose let out a strangled sob at that and Rey put her arm around her friend, squeezing her tightly. Rose latched onto Rey like she was drowning, and Rey was happy to steady her.</p>
<p>A hand reached out from behind, poking her shoulder. She turned to see her father offering a tissue. Luke had that specific sad, wise look in his eyes, a little bit of a smile and a whole lot of life. He’d been here before. Many times.</p>
<p>Rey took the tissue and mouthed a “thank you,” passing it over to Rose.</p>
<p>More words, about Paige’s kindness and wit and persevering spirit, and about how much she’d be missed. Leia ripped a black ribbon when she sat down, surreptitious in her lap. A couple other people went up to say things, too. </p>
<p>Rey felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise and turned around to glare at Ben in the back, who’d taken a step forward. Looking cowed, he shuffled back. </p>
<p>Next to him, though, she saw two people she hadn’t expected: Jyn and Bodhi. They were family, too, but their paths had never crossed with Paige. But of course they would come; Jyn never missed a funeral, no matter what. </p>
<p>People wanted to say more to Rose but Rey was feeling claustrophobic, so she headed to the back of the room. Ben and Hux had left already, but Jyn and Bodhi were still there, hanging back and observing. </p>
<p>“Cassian says he’s sorry he couldn’t come. I made him stay home; told him it was rude to spread a sickness at a funeral.” Jyn always started a conversation skipping past the pleasantries, right into the part that mattered. Her lips twisted upwards into a small, wry smile. “He still sent us with some baked goods if there’s going to be a reception.”</p>
<p>“Back at the house,” Rey replied, shifting from one foot to the other. She recognized the pantsuit Jyn was wearing; it’d been the same one she wore for Han’s funeral a couple years ago. It was very practical, with a severe cut, but it looked just right. Still, Rey regretted seeing it again.</p>
<p>She didn’t remember getting back to the house, ushering the smaller group of people inside. It was mostly just the grad students, along with Bodhi and Jyn and a giant plate of cookies. Somebody took out a bottle of wine and it started going around the circle of Poe and his friends draped haphazardly around the living room. </p>
<p>“A Toast!” Snap was the loudest of them all, with a boisterous voice that could get anyone smiling. “To the best of us. To Paige Tico, who was gonna change the world.”</p>
<p>“Here, here!” went the chorus of voices. Somehow, a second wine bottle had joined the fray. </p>
<p>Jyn and Rose sat at the kitchen table, chatting quietly, and Bodhi was making coffee like it was his own house. Leia rolled her eyes at him but let him go as she pulled out some food to offer around.</p>
<p>Finn was gone. Rey wasn’t sure where he’d gotten off to, but she imagined he might need a moment alone. She sure did. </p>
<p>When she saw him in his room, though, he beckoned her in. </p>
<p>“You alright?” she asked. </p>
<p>“Yeah. It’s just a lot of people.” </p>
<p>She settled onto the bed next to him, but before she could really think about what she was doing, her head was in Finn’s lap. </p>
<p>He stroked her hair. “It’s okay to cry, you know.”</p>
<p>“So you cry,” Rey shot back, sniffling. “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“I have been crying,” Finn replied, and when he laughed, Rey noticed it sounded watery. “And shit, she didn’t mean half as much to me as she did to you.” </p>
<p>“I miss her,” she said simply. “I’m just...I don’t understand a world where she’s not in it.” </p>
<p>“Me neither.” </p>
<p>They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and then Rey was crying, and she hated it, but it was less terrible with Finn holding her and making little soothing noises. She didn’t know how long she spent crying - maybe twenty minutes? Ugh - but she finally ran dry. Finn handed her a box of tissues. </p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Would a cookie help?” He reached over to his desk and pulled a paper plate. “Maz gave ‘em to me. Said it was cuz I’m her favorite.”</p>
<p>“They’re coconut macaroons, actually.” Rey took one and shoved it in her mouth. “Maz’s special recipe.” A few crumbs sprayed. </p>
<p>Finn rolled his eyes. “Isn’t a macaroon kind of a cookie?”</p>
<p>“Is it?” Rey replied doubtfully, and somehow it felt beautiful to have this stupidly normal, useless argument. Amidst everything else. </p>
<p>The noise from the living room had gotten steadily louder, and all of a sudden, as clear as a wine-drunk woman could be, Jessika Pava shouted, “To Paige Tico, the love of my <em>fucking</em> life.”</p>
<p>Rey stifled a laugh. “God, I love Jess.”</p>
<p>“Wanna join them?” Finn offered. “We can share the macaroons.”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head. “I don’t wanna. But we should.” She stood up and grabbed his hand. “At least you’ll be here with me.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>It was coming up on the week mark, where Leia would start leaving the house again. Unfortunately no one had been able to join her in mourning for the whole time, but they’d all taken turns sitting by her. Other folks came by to pay their condolences, too. </p>
<p>The world didn’t slow down for death the way it used to.</p>
<p>Rose had left the house since the funeral, but Paige’s urn was still there, and Rose kept coming back to sleep. After Rose spent one night on the couch, Poe gave up his room and had been staying with Finn so she could have an actual bed. </p>
<p>Rey would’ve been perfectly fine on the couch. Their couch was soft, and as long as she curled just a little, she fit just fine. It reminded her of when she was a kid and everyone would jam into the house for the holidays, her dads in one room, Poe’s parents in another, Poe sleeping on a mattress in Ben’s room and little Rey on the couch. </p>
<p>Of course, nothing so morbid as a dead girl’s ashes to keep her company back then, just Threepio coming to nestle up beside her and share warmth.</p>
<p>It was 2am and this time Rey had both, plus a sleepy Dio in her lap. She couldn’t sleep. Maybe she didn’t want to. </p>
<p>“Hey,” she said softly. Dio perked up but lay down again when it became apparent that Rey was just talking to ghosts. “I’m just...really fucking sorry.”</p>
<p>She didn’t know what she was sorry for, exactly, just that she was, deeply and completely. There was some kind of hole where her heart was supposed to be and it was pulling, pulling like a black hole and making her implode. </p>
<p>She let out a strangled sob. “I’m sorry,” she said again, and it was for every dinner invitation she’d ever declined, girls’ night she’d missed; every time she told Paige the girl had a stick up her ass and it wouldn’t kill Rose to have one drink; every time she’d ever rolled her eyes and groaned at one of Paige’s jokes.</p>
<p>There were so many good memories of Paige Tico, but right now, all Rey could think about were the things she’d done wrong and the things she’d never said. Paige was the closest thing Rey had ever had to an older sister. And that meant a fair amount of regrets.</p>
<p>Paige had promised Rey and Rose that they could be her maids of honor at her wedding. “To Jess,” Rey would always tease, loving the flush that stained Paige’s cheeks. Now Paige would never know that Jess loved her, too. And that pissed Rey off so much.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna make yourself sick.” </p>
<p>“I’m already sick,” she replied testily, looking up at Poe through clumpy wet lashes. </p>
<p>“Even more reason.” He offered her his hand. “You have no right to look that pretty even when you’re crying.”</p>
<p>That got a snorting laugh out of her. “Poe, I’m a <em>mess.</em>” Her hair wasn’t even tied back, just loose and tangled and slightly damp from her tears.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and I love you. C’mon.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. “We’re going for a walk.”</p>
<p>And that was why she’d fallen in love with him, because he was the kind of person that would take her on a walk at 2am, knowing it was what she needed.</p>
<p>She shoved her feet in her shoes and practically sprinted out the door. He’d said walk, but she felt all hot and she needed to be moving, so she ran, soles pounding the pavement, knowing he’d catch up with her. He always did. </p>
<p>They both knew where they were going, anyway. There was a park they’re gone to as kids, back before Ben went darkside, where they’d play and chase each other around and Rey would always scrape her knees and Poe would roll his eyes at her and offer to carry her home and she’d refuse because it didn’t hurt, honest, she just wanted to keep playing. </p>
<p>The swings looked different now that she was 5’7 and staring at them in the flickering yellow shine of a streetlamp with no one else around. It was deathly still outside, the kind you wouldn’t get any closer to downtown, and it made Rey itchy. Death. </p>
<p>She sat down on the swing and pumped her legs as hard as they’d go, swinging faster and faster. The swings had always been her favorite, and Poe’s, too. They both liked to feel like they were flying.</p>
<p>“Easy there, astronaut, you might just blast off,” Poe teased as he caught up with her. She stuck out her tongue at him as he came up behind her to give her a couple pushes, the way he had when they were kids.</p>
<p>“It’s not fair,” she said, finally, after some of the energy had left her and her legs were burning. Poe came around to stand in front of her, hands holding hers on the chains of the swing.</p>
<p>“Nope.” He shook his head. “Not at all.”</p>
<p>“And whoever did this can keep on just - living their life. No witnesses, no trial. They’re free.”</p>
<p>Poe snorted. “Well, I’d hope they feel at least a little bit guilty.”</p>
<p>“Paige is <em>dead</em>!” she screamed at him, even though she knew he knew and she knew nothing was his fault but god, she was just so angry. “I don’t fucking care if they’re guilty, she’s dead and I’ll never get to hear her laugh again and all the guilt in the world wouldn’t make up for that.”</p>
<p>Poe, because he was an angel (and because he remembered tantrums she’d thrown at age twelve), stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her in the swing. “I know,” he soothed. “I know. But even if the driver went to jail, it wouldn’t make up for it. We still wouldn’t have Paige.”</p>
<p>Rey sniffled into his shirt. If she was willing to let him go, she’d have glared at him. “Your pep talks are bad.”</p>
<p>“It’s not a pep talk,” he replied, stroking his fingers through her loose hair. “You <em>know</em> I don’t have any of those in me right now. It’s just...I don’t want you feeling like you can’t have what would make you feel better, cuz it wouldn’t. The only way to get through this is time.”</p>
<p>“You sound like Auntie Leia.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, she knows what she’s talking about.” He sighed. “She’s seen a lot of people die,” he added, softer. </p>
<p>Rey squeezed Poe tighter. “I miss Han.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sick of losing people, Poe.” </p>
<p>“Fuck, me too.” He buried his face in her hair and kissed the top of her head. She could feel him shaking with each breath. </p>
<p>She pulled away, rushing to wipe tears from her eyes. “Dammit, I’m sorry. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be - I’m supposed to be strong for you -”</p>
<p>Poe pulled her right back into his chest. “We’re supporting each other, sweetheart. I don’t think a damn one of us is strong right now, and we don’t need to be.” </p>
<p>“I hate everything,” she mumbled. “Except you. And Finn. And Rose and Leia. But everything else.”</p>
<p>“Even Dio and Beebee?” Poe teased.</p>
<p>This time, she did pull back to glare at him. “I take it back,” she replied. “I hate everything except Finn, Rose, and Leia.”</p>
<p>Poe let out an indignant squawk that got her laughing, and then he laughed too, and then he chased her around the park like they used to do and she even fell and scraped her knee but all she could do was laugh. </p>
<p>It was better than crying.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe she and Jess never got together,” Rey said, looking up at the light-polluted sky from where she sat in the grass. She hadn’t seen stars in awhile. She missed them. “It just...I dunno, we always just knew they’d get married.”</p>
<p>Poe laughed. “Yeah. Pava’s...not having a good time with it. Karé’s staying over at her place to make sure Jess doesn’t drink herself to death and to help out until the therapist can see her.” He paused. “Or until she can function on her own, I guess. We’re all worried about her.”</p>
<p>“I should bring her some cookies and soda,” Rey mused. “I know to them I’m just kind of your kid tagalong, but she could use some cheering.”</p>
<p>Poe snorted, knocking his shoulder against hers. “Pava knew the minute I fell for you. Actually, Pava knew a minute and a half before I did and absolutely would not stop harassing me about it for years. When I told her we’d slept together, she screamed.”</p>
<p>Yeah, that sounded like Jess. “We’ll have a video game marathon,” Rey decided. “It’s...it sucks, but we’re all in this together.” </p>
<p>Poe nodded, tangling his fingers with hers. “And that’s how I know we’re gonna be okay.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>It was just lunch. </p>
<p>Rose had promised to take Jannah out to thank her for all the help she’d given with the funeral preparations; it seemed far less than what she deserved anyhow. And yes, Rose had promised her lunch because she desperately wanted any excuse to see the girl again.</p>
<p>She had half a mind to turn around and leave the little café, which was silly because it was her favorite place and she’d never refuse one of their lemon macarons. Still, her leg bounced nervously as she waited, wondering if she’d made a terrible mistake. </p>
<p>Jannah wasn’t late; Rose was just early. She’d wanted to snag a nice table by the window, and also she had to be on time to everything, so just to be sure, she was early to everything. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Deep breath, Rose,” Paige would say. “Look at the clock. Count it. You’ll get where you need to be when you need to be there.”</em>
</p>
<p>The anxiety had been worse after Paige’s...passing. It seemed a stupid and obvious thing to say, but it was true. The little chime of the bell made her jump about a foot and a half in the air, promptly forgetting how to breathe as she made eye contact with Jannah.</p>
<p>The girl was wearing a bright turquoise shirt that popped against her skin and a scarf in her hair to match. When she looked at Rose, she grinned so wide it was blinding. </p>
<p>“Good to see you!” she greeted, and Rose awkwardly stuttered out a reply. “Thank you for inviting me.”</p>
<p>“You look good,” Rose offered. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but black.”</p>
<p>Jannah preened a little. “Thanks. Boss says bright colors are ‘unprofessional,’ so I like to take advantage of my days off.”</p>
<p>“It’s great.” Rose slammed her mouth shut before she could say anything more embarrassing.</p>
<p>Jannah just smiled. “Okay, you’re the expert. What do I order?”</p>
<p>It turned out Jannah was lactose intolerant, so Rose suggested their vegetable panini and steered her away from the cream desserts.</p>
<p>“What about -” Jannah pointed, but Rose shook her head. </p>
<p>“I know. Doesn’t look it, but that would also make you sick.”</p>
<p>They got sandwiches and a fruit tart to share, plus Rose’s lemon macaron, which she insisted Jannah try.</p>
<p>God, it was so…<em>easy</em>, to be with her. She had a laugh like warm sunshine and just immediately soothed all of Rose’s worries. Conversations flowed easily and she felt genuinely unburdened - happy, even - for the first time in a long while.</p>
<p>Jannah told her stories of Finn from high school, which Rose absolutely adored hearing and definitely intended to tease him about. In turn, she told Jannah about Rey and Poe and how cute Finn was with them. They talked about school - Jannah was taking night classes to get an associate’s in business - and free time - they both loved mysteries by the same authors - and really anything else they could think of.</p>
<p>They were still talking when the sandwiches and the tart were finished, and Rose realized she wasn’t ready for it to be over yet.</p>
<p>“And you’re sure you don’t mind sharing?” Jannah asked, eyebrow raised. “Because that looks scrumptious.”</p>
<p>Rose smiled. “‘Course not. It’d be rude not to let you experience this.” </p>
<p>Jannah shrugged and opened her mouth, and it took Rose a second, but she realized Jannah’s intention. “<em>Oh.</em>” Carefully, she held the macaron up to Jannah’s mouth, trying not to shiver when the girl’s lips brushed her fingers. </p>
<p>Rose quickly shoved the other half in her mouth and willed the flush away. Jannah was nodding, making her judgment of the dessert. “You were right,” she declared. “Absolutely fantastic.”</p>
<p>Their plates were completely empty now, but Rose didn’t want to go home. </p>
<p>“Do you have anywhere else to be today?” Jannah asked, almost shyly. Rose shook her head. “Excellent. My turn.”</p>
<p>Curious, Rose followed her out of the store and down the street to a cozy little tea shop. “This is my favorite place,” Jannah explained, waving to the woman behind the counter. “They make me milk tea with soy milk.”</p>
<p>Rose ordered a matcha - “Damn, you like strong flavors,” her companion teased - and Jannah ordered a mango (soy) milk tea, which was apparently her regular order, based on the fact the woman started preparing it before Jannah even finished talking.</p>
<p>She paid for them both and left a generous tip, waving goodbye as they left, and then the two of them wandered down the streets, still chatting. Rose felt her fingers brush Jannah’s occasionally, and she wanted to hold hands, but she wasn’t very brave.</p>
<p>Jannah was, though, or at least very smooth, catching her as she stumbled on the sidewalk. “Easy there.” She appraised Rose seriously. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Rose nodded, but when they started walking again, they were still holding hands. Rose would’ve been happy to stay like this forever.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“You’re home late,” Poe commented, glancing up as the front door clicked shut. “What’ve you been up to all day?”</p>
<p>“I went on a date.” Rose wouldn’t meet his eyes, guilt seeping off of her. “With Jannah.”</p>
<p>He offered her a reassuring smile from where he stood at the stove, stirring whatever was going to be dinner. “That’s great. Did you have fun?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” </p>
<p>“So why do you look like you’re a witness in an embezzlement trial?”</p>
<p>Rose looked at him and squinted. “What?”</p>
<p>“It seemed a dreadful and unpleasant thing to have to do without being, like, horrible stakes.” Poe shrugged. “Sit. Tell me what’s up.”</p>
<p>Rose poured herself a glass of water first, but she sat at the kitchen table and told Poe about her day, finding herself smiling at various memories of Jannah. And blushing. </p>
<p>By the end, Poe was grinning. “Sounds like you’re getting a second date, then.”</p>
<p>“God, I hope so.” Rose took a long sip, feeling her stomach sink. “I mean -”</p>
<p>Poe pointed at her with a wooden spoon. “That. The face you’re pulling right now. You were so happy until a minute ago, and now you’re back on the stand.”</p>
<p>“My sister’s dead,” Rose ground out. “And here I am, going on dates. Being excited. She’s never going to get any of this.”</p>
<p>Poe put a cover on his pot and sat down next to Rose. “More than anything else in the world, Paige wanted you to be happy,” he pointed out.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but it hardly seems fair. Especially…” She took a shuddery breath.</p>
<p>Poe nodded. “I know. I know. It’s too soon, it feels like betrayal. You’re being pulled forward and held back.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Rose sighed, drumming her fingers against the kitchen table, willing back tears. “It’s just...I dunno, life just keeps <em>going</em> and I’m stuck sitting at the hospital, in my head. My professors have been nice enough, but like, I still had to take my finals. I still have to get up and pretend everything’s fine and that life is normal and I just have to keep being a person.”</p>
<p>She waited for Poe to say something, but he didn’t, just watching her calmly, waiting for her to continue. And she did have a lot to say, words and water trickling out. </p>
<p>“So it feels like I’m the only one who notices that things aren’t normal - but sometimes I can still...be happy. To be alive and to do things. And then it feels like I’ve forgotten, too, like I can’t even hold the awareness in my own head.”</p>
<p>She put her forehead down on her hands against the table, feeling tears on her knuckles. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without her.”</p>
<p>Poe placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, rubbing it just a little. </p>
<p>“I was wrapping up my research for the semester, and I found - just like, a trend, something in the data I knew Paige would find interesting,” Poe began softly. “I keep looking up and over my shoulder and she’s not there. I don’t know either, kid.” He exhaled a humorless chuckle. “I don’t even know how I’m going to finish my degree without her. But I know she’d yell at me for even thinking of giving up, and she’d want to hear every detail of your date.”</p>
<p>Rose sat up and wiped roughly at her eyes. “<em>Have</em> you considered giving up? Poe Dameron -”</p>
<p>He held up his hands in surrender, laughing more genuinely now. “Easy, easy. It’s not gonna happen.”</p>
<p>“Now you need to do it for her, too,” Rose pointed out.</p>
<p>He nodded. “I know what she wanted and I’m going to make it happen.” He smiled softly. “And, well, if we have a little fun along the way, I think she’d like that, too.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rose said for what was probably the millionth time, to which Leia - for the millionth time - waved her away. </p>
<p>“No trouble, dear.”</p>
<p>All of Rose and Paige Tico’s earthly belongings fit into three large boxes. The apartment had come furnished, so she couldn’t keep the chairs, but the dishes were hers, and her towels, and a few small decorations. Those boxes now resided in what was once Ben Solo’s room, became Finn’s, and now would be Rose’s.</p>
<p>“It’s still your room,” she insisted, because all of his stuff would be staying there; it’s just that Finn had the fewest possessions, so he had the most space to share with Rose. He’d moved a few essentials into Poe’s room, and Rose would be sleeping in his bed for the time being. </p>
<p>“I swear it’s just until I find a lease I can afford on my own,” she promised, also for the millionth time, but no one was particularly worried. </p>
<p>“Stay here, save up some, get on your feet,” Leia suggested. “It’ll be a nice support for the transition to adulthood, and family’s never far.”</p>
<p>Family’s never far indeed, Rose reflected, looking at her three friends passed out in a pile on the couch. Poe and Rey had done most of the “heavy” lifting, and Finn had helped her arrange her things in what was now “her half” of the closet. Rose was tired, too, but she didn’t want to sleep, so she went to make herself some tea.</p>
<p>“See? You know where everything is in the house already,” Leia said wryly. “You were meant to live here.”</p>
<p>Rose smiled just a bit. “Thank you, Auntie. Would you like some?” She gestured with the tea bag. </p>
<p>Leia shook her head. “Not right now. There will be plenty of opportunities for you to make an old lady tea.” She patted Rose’s arm. “It’s good to have you here, darling.”</p>
<p>Rose sat down at the table with her steaming mug as Leia ambled off. It was good to be here, really. The whole experience had been much easier with all of them by her side.</p>
<p>“Look at that, Paige,” she whispered into her mug. “We do have a family, and a home. And I’m gonna be okay.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was a several month endeavor to cope with the death of one of my close friends, basically like a little sister to me. I wanted to come back to this universe and I found myself coping through Rose and her experiences. The romance is there, but it's more importantly about friendship and family and support. <br/>And healing. All the ways of healing.<br/>I hope this fic tugged your heart and left you satisfied. Thank you for reading.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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